PSA-Let's Talk About Death

     I'm not sure why it was never discussed. I don't know if it was just us, or if other families have this same issue. I have started asking other folks about it, now that we went through this last year.

    My parents didn't have a will. Even after all my dad's health trauma in 2019, and him moving in with me and my husband in July of that year, we never discussed the possibility he might die some day. Even with all the years of my mother being ill, we had never discussed-what if she actually died, or he did. Even when it got to the point that he had already outlived the time frame of his immediate family by a decade, it never occurred to me to think about a time that comes to all people, that one day he might not be here with us any more.

    Once my dad moved in with us, we were so busy just getting through each day; finding small pleasures in watching old movies and me making him his favorite foods for breakfast, lunch, and supper, it never occurred to me to think about the what ifs. It never crossed my mind to consider if they had burial plots or ideas about their funerals. And being 2020, would any of their plans have mattered in the cluster mess that 2020 was???

    As it became clear toward the end of 2020, that time was not on our side, hospice was called in for help. And their help was invaluable. They helped guide me each step of the way. They helped me reach out to the national archives for my dad's discharge papers for his military service since he was entitled to a burial plot for himself and my mother, to military honors funeral, even if it had to be abbreviated due to Covid-19, and helped me find a funeral service company, Michigan Cremation and Funeral Care, that works with veterans and their families.

    At least now, since we have been through this with my dad, we have talked with my mother, about what she wants, what her thoughts are on death and after death. I have written down my thoughts in regards to the what ifs for myself, and advised what notebook they can be found in. My husband and I have had the hard conversations. It can happen to anyone, best to think it out now while everyone is well and can say what they want. Because if the unthinkable happens-a life altering illness or injury-it is hard to make those types of decisions for someone you love so dearly.

    My hope is that if even one person can have a bit of their pain lessened from the lessons we learned, then it will make all the panic and confusion we went through have some sort of meaning. We need to do better as a society in making conversations about death just as much a part of life as all the other things we fill our days with.