Permission to Thrive

     What do you need to give yourself permission to do in order to thrive? What changes do you need to make so that you can feel affirmed and capable and move ahead?

    This sweet hibiscus had a few blooms when I brought it home from the store, then nothing for weeks and weeks and weeks. Finally, I said to myself and her, that it was okay with me if she never bloomed again. Her leaves were a lovely shade of green and that in itself was enough beauty. 

    This allowed me to enjoy her as she is and to focus on her care right where she is at. I kept watering her and used the plant food I bought. 

    And then one day, when she was able, she bloomed. She has the biggest blossoms I have ever seen on one of my hibiscus plants. Ever. Once I gave her permission to just be, it freed both her and me.

    Then I realized, I need to give that same grace to myself. I need to accept that it is okay to change as I go, that some goals need to be altered, as life and circumstances are so changeable. Changing your plan or changing your mind does not mean you have failed. It means you realize you need to make changes in order to continue to learn and grow, to truly thrive.

Words Matter

     As a writer, I love the power that words have to convey emotion, to tell the stories I am trying to tell. As a regular human being I sometimes hate words, for the power they have to cause pain or division. I know this truth, this aspect, as I have seen it too many times in my own life and in the life of those I care about.

    I want to focus right now on the power of words to give comfort and healing. As some people know, this past year has been an extremely hard one for our family, not just because of the world wide pandemic that everyone has been struggling with, but because of the deep loss in our family with the passing of my father, and then my mother's many struggles with her health and well being.

    Hospice used their words of guidance and encouragement to help me be prepared for the reality of our situation, to know that the actual end was extremely close, so that I could make strong choices such as fighting to be in the care facility with my dad, and then knowing when the time was at hand to stay 24/7, that there was no turning back from this.

    And then when the unfathomable happened, just before what would ordinarily have been a joyous Christmas holiday season for our family, it was the words of friends and family that brought great comfort. A dear friend of mine has been through a similar loss with her mother just two years before. Her priest had passed on comforting words to her, among them the thought that God takes home the ones He has the most tender heart for during the Christmas season, the souls He holds in closest regard. Those were words I clung to then, and still cling to today for comfort.

    Little could that priest know that his words of comfort to my dear friend, would later be giving comfort to others, to me. We never know what sort of impact our words will have on others. I am trying to be more mindful of the words I choose to share with others, of the stories I am creating for myself, and for them, to help us all be able to write the best outcomes possible.

Mending a Broken Heart

     How do you put the pieces back together? I have had friends and family die before, people that I loved dearly. I remember those griefs even now. And yet, somehow, this all feels more shattering, more devastating, as if this will be raw and fresh forever. I know that sounds dramatic as soon I complete the thought. That is just how some days feel. We are coming up on eleven weeks since by dad passed, but it still seems like moments ago.

    The coming of the new year brought a focus to me, not for resolutions in the typical sense, but of a way to focus on healing my heart a little bit. I decided to embark on a journey with my baking. I usually have three types of cookies I make and I wanted to branch out a bit. I decided that for 2021 I would try to make at least one new type of cookie each month. My dad was a great baker and cook, so it seems like a good way to honor him in a small way. He always made food for everyone, so I also am sharing my baked goods. 

    For Valentine's day I made cookie platters for four dear friends/family members that have all recently lost someone, just to let them know I care. Three of them are currently in care facilities and cannot have visitors due to the pandemic, so it was my way to connect with them and let them know they are not forgotten. It won't fix anything, can't cure anything, but it can bring a bit of happiness. I like to think of it as healing my heart one cookie at a time. It is going to take time to put the bits and pieces back together and I am willing to do that work.